Dedications

These are a few more of my "dedicated" poems...I'm feeling very Emily Dickinson and numbering them instead of giving them titles. In my mind the title is the name of the person I would be addressing. Let me know if you think you know who it is, especially if you are utterly convinced it's you.

1.

I’m not here to serve you
I wasn’t sent to this earth to bow before you
I can’t make them love you darlin’
They don’t like me enough.

I can’t set you free tonight
Unless you have the key
I’m shackled to the wall over here now
And you’re a million miles away.

If you give me a chance
I might prove myself worthy
Even if I’m not the one you dream of
And I’ll never be every thing you need.

I’m hanging my head in shame again
So I never see the sun
And you keep your head so high
You’ll never notice me

Did you hope that I would save you?

You hate it when I say you’re wrong
Did you hope you’d found someone to trust?
You won’t even talk to me…

You aren’t here to serve me and I know it
I’ll never see you crawling to me
Because I can’t make you love me darlin’

And I’ll never be enough

2.

Ask me all your questions
I’ll tell you all my lies
Living as we are in this place
Our hope is our demise.

My guilt is an alcoholic
But she’s boisterous and fun
Some days I find her passed out on the floor
And think her days are finally done.

You bring out the worst in me
My bitterness and hostility
You love every second of it
And praise my obnoxious ability

But you don’t know any more
Than any one else I’ve ever known.
And you will never believe my strife
Until you tell me your own.

3.

You tell me I’m the smartest person you’ve ever met
And run to me
With questions about vocabulary and politics
You tell me secrets I can only hold on to
Every day I feel like I’m lying to you
Every day you tell me all the same things all over again
And I want to yell
And I want to scream
And I want to press some sense into
Your open mind.
I want to fail you
Once and for all
I want you to see
The truth that looms beyond the mask
You hold up in front of my face
Kind words,
A tender heart,
A helping hand
When every one else turns the other way.
And I know
I’m going to let you down.

Loyal to a fault.

4.

A self-proclaimed asshole
You look at me and say,
“How long have you known me?”
Whenever I question you
Whenever I doubt you
Whenever I show you any love.

But you will be the one
To turn the other way
Give me the space I need
When the tears are rolling
When the world is crumbling
You put out the hand I need to hold.

And for all the condescending words
You mutter in my general direction
I only hear the gentle thanks for little favors
Whenever I help you.
I only see your soft self-conscious smirk—
Acknowledging the hopelessness of fate.

5.

Maybe someday you’ll know me
Maybe someday you’ll open your eyes
And understand
Why I wanted you to be blind forever.

You tell me you get it
Say you've figured me out
I back you into a corner
And bleed out your opinions.

You want me
To know you feel superior
You look at me and think
I’m looking at you to save me.

And you’ll beat me down
When I’m already low.
You’ll hiss and resist
You’ll willingly make everything worse.

I’ve never met someone so ungrateful
None of my good deeds escape your notice
And you place every one of them on me
As “proof” of my infidelity.

And if I cry
And if I break
And if I let you see all of me
You’ll never speak to me again.